I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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