I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
