I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
