Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
