So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
