How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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