We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
