And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
me + whiskey = a bad person
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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