When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
