Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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