Kiss
Puke
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
