i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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