GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
