Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
