if you like me you must not know who I am
We're like a lot better than the average bears
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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