jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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