a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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