I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
