as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Farmville is her only friend.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
