On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Damn victory sex feels great
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
