hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
