Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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