Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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