guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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