You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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