I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
