remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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