Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
