There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
