I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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