Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
