I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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