next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
