Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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