I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
