You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
