I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
