Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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