Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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