i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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