He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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