is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
