i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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