pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
