hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
