Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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