Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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