Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
