Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
All I want is dick and wine.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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