Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
