i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
