i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
