you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if only i could text you this smell
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize