no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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