last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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