Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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