His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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