There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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